Friday, September 28, 2012

I will Wait...

Anyone would freak out if their little brother went to the emergency room, right? I mean, come on... I can't be the only one.
We were in the car, on the way back from the grocery store... Hold on. Rewind.
Ack, wait. Go back.
There, that's where we want to be. At the ouch. That's when Micah hit his head.
Let me mention, before I continue, that Micah hit his head seven years ago. Not the kinda 'bump your head on the way out of the car' or 'knock it while sitting up quickly in a bunk bed'. No. The kind that when a five year old hits the back of his head on the concrete and eventually can't talk or see kinda hit. So we took him to the emergency room and he got a CAT scan. How fun. I was told he was close to dying. Scary, right? I wonder if I didn't fully understand the seriousness of the situation that day, because I was no where near bawling my eyes out because I was scared. Like I was today.
Micah hits his head playing basketball (if you haven't already figured that out), he bonked heads with another player. So with his history, here we are now, at the exact same place, and he gets another concussion!!! How ironic that we were talking about what had happened before on that curb, just before we went in to play.
His head was hurting directly afterwords, his whole head, not just the part that got hit. But then he was back in, playing again. Running around, he was fine! Hadn't complained again. We stopped at the grocery store to get a few things, and he was fine then too. But when we got back in the car, he started complaining that his fingers were tingling and he couldn't use them properly. Ok, I was thinking, was it something he picked up at the water fountain? Could it be the Motrin he just took to ease the pain in his head? *ding ding, I shoulda known it was coming*... Well, I sorta did anyway.
After he complained about his arm not working right, I told mom that it must have been the bonk on the head. We got home and I went out and played with the dogs while Micah tried to get dad to let him play computer. (He didn't). I came back in and Micah was slurring his words. I just thought it was because he was crying, he used to slur his words while he was crying all the time when he was little. Shoulda known. Well, I sat down to get on Facebook, and Micah was still crying and talking. Soon, he could only say small words, like 'I'll' 'go', but couldn't 'find' the right word to say. It was like he had forgotten all his vocabulary. That's the first thing that scared me. Then he said 'where's my w-w-watsh?' .........It was on his wrist.......... my mom pointed to it and told him it was right there! He said, 'no, I'll go get it.' He was still slurring his words. My parents were being very patient with him, they thought if he would sit down and rest, he would be alright. They thought it would pass. Well, by then I was really scared. I didn't like it that my little brother was talking like someone with speech problems... I don't know if that's the right word to say, but something like that. When he got up, he walked like, ten steps, tripped on nothing and fell HARD. It was almost like he couldn't catch him self. I couldn't take it anymore. Afraid I would burst into tears right then and there, I jumped up and walked quickly out of the room. My parents didn't see me, they were trying to help Micah up. Well, I did burst into tears. I don't think I've cried like that for a long, long time. I don't remember exactly what I was thinking, but I just saw Micah fall over and over again in my mind. It didn't really help that there was a thin wall between me and everything that was going on in there. I could hear everything, the confusion in Micah's voice, the patience but worry in my mom's... I was shaking by then. I almost felt I couldn't walk myself.
Huge racking sobs where heaving out of me by then, and good old Bill, one of the dogs here, came over and started licking my leg. He knew that something was wrong. Soon, I got up and walked over to a bench at the side of the house where the sun was shining. Bill followed me, saw where I was heading, and laid down to watch me from a distance. I told Jesus that I wished He was here, sitting beside me in person. I told Him I wished He could hold me in physical arms. I was so scared, I was shaking even though I was warm. I needed His peace! I cried out to him to give it to me! He came, slowly it felt, and comforted me. I called Bill and he came over. I took comfort in petting him, as well as sitting in the sunshine. I think I felt I needed physical touch, because my emotions were in shambles. The only thing I remember clearly, was that I was telling myself that I was not going to let go of my faith through this small trouble. I still trusted Jesus, even though He wasn't there in the physical reality.
It started to get colder out, the sun was going down. I heard Micah screaming and crying and the tears started flowing again. It hurt me to hear that. I don't mind the crying if it's a scrape or a cut, it bothers me if he's screaming when he's got a splinter dug out, but it stung me to hear his frustration that he couldn't communicate with us. He was hurting. I heard my dad whistle and call 'here girl!' at first I thought he was calling the dog. I didn't want to go, didn't want to have to deal with the pain again, because I knew that seeing Micah close up in the condition he was in would make me hurt again. When my dad yelled Kara! in that tone when I know I'm in trouble, I felt a nudge in my soul. If they were looking for me and wanted to take Micah to the hospital, they wouldn't go until they found me, which meant Micah might get worse. I pulled myself off the bench and walked shakily around the corner of the house. My mom came running towards me and told me in that tone where I've done something wrong and she knows it "you can't just go hiding somewhere like that!" I started sobbing again and said "I'm SCARED, I'm scared I'm scared..." They asked if I was going to the hospital with them or not, I just shook my head and walked inside, shaking again. I sent various emails and posted on facebook some of what had happened. People prayed, family friends... Thanks you so much friends! Thank you so much Jesus for answering! Since I don't have a phone, I grabbed a blanket and sat on the couch, listening to music. I prayed one worded prayers and tried to find God in the situation. I knew everything would be fine, but I didn't want my brother to not be able to speak right... Somehow I knew he wouldn't die, but there was always the possibility. I thought I was done crying. Oh no.
Right before I went to take a shower, Mr. Balch knocked on the door. Even now I don't know what he wanted, but as soon as he asked how I was, I choked up again. After the story was out, I asked him if he could call my dad. (P.S. I need a phone.)
He reported that Micah had taken a CAT scan, and no major injuries were found. Micah's speech was was a little clearer and they should be home soon. Heh. That was about an hour ago. I repeat. I need a phone.
So here I am, still dripping tears every once and a while at the memories... But at least I know that everything's going to be ok, and I'm sitting here knowing that God's in control.
Wasn't it just this morning that I was reading Isaiah 26:3? "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Hmph. I was trying to remember exactly how that verse went this evening and just now it popped up.
 Anyway, I meant this to be a short blog, but it's kinda turned into a long one. I think Micah should write about his experience-
Later... Once he's recovered....
Thank you to everyone who prayed for him, the prayers of the righteous will be answered.
I guess I've missed out on family night tonight... And pizza. And soda. Somehow, it just didn't seem right to be watching a movie, eating or drinking while my brother was in the emergency room... I didn't want to see him get as close to death as he had last time.

I hope they're close, they said they were on their way over an hour ago... Hope nothing else happened... I STILL NEED A PHONE!!!!

"I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14


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